


Make the Most of Freedom and of Pleasure

by innie



Category: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 23:43:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16820821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innie/pseuds/innie
Summary: Lara Jean can have a best friend and a boyfriend, no problem.





	Make the Most of Freedom and of Pleasure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [i_am_girlfriday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_girlfriday/gifts).



> References to _Hamilton_ , _Star Wars_ , and _The Great British Bake-Off/The Great British Baking Show_ \- look, these characters are nerds, okay?
> 
> Title from "Everybody Wants To Rule the World" by Tears for Fears, which is the song Lara Jean's mom used to dance to.
> 
> Movie canon only, as I haven't read the books.
> 
> My thanks to victoria_p (musesfool) for the prompt and tidy beta!

Lara Jean couldn't imagine doing anything harder than marching onto Peter's field and reading him her new letter, but then she put the letter down, looked him in the eyes, and just _told_ him what she was feeling and it was _so much worse_. Made better immediately by Peter's confession – his little scrunched-up nose was THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST and he was already using the L-word, setting off fireworks behind her eyes – but still pretty miserable for those few seconds when it felt like she was going to choke on her own heart and maybe have all her period cramps at once. 

In her paperbacks, there was always a convenient skipping of stupid details that would bring the heroine back down to earth, and so she clung to Peter's strong arm as they walked off the field and didn't think about what was coming next. Until she saw that he'd steered them to the parking lot, and there was her diagonally-parked car, pretty much waiting for her to climb in and fail at _something_ , since the drive over and the confession had both gone improbably well. 

"Wait," she said, voice catching in the back of her throat, but then Peter was leaning back against the door and she was falling forward into his kiss and he made her feel like stumbling was a perfectly valid mode of transportation.

"I'll be right behind you," he said between a couple of little follow-up kisses. "The whole way."

Somehow he made it seem plausible that she'd get home in one piece, so she did and kissed him again when he met her in the driveway. Swapping out her platform sneakers for the insanely comfy bunny slippers Margot had gotten her and shrugging out of her jacket, she sniffed the air as she went from hallway to kitchen. She could smell slightly burnt chocolate-raspberry thumbprint cookies and she saw her big ceramic mixing bowl and both of the good baking sheets in the sink. Kitty was hanging over Josh's shoulder instead of putting things into the dishwasher, and acting like she didn't know it might be a big deal to use up the last of the cocoa powder.

Josh gave her a discreet, chocolatey thumbs-up and stood, nodding politely at Peter. "Gotta go."

Lara Jean waved a little and turned to see Kitty eyeing Peter up and down and chiding him to take off his shoes before announcing, " _I_ will give _you_ some privacy," but her attempt at maturity was ruined by the faint squealing sound she made as she ran up the stairs. That squeal was TROUBLING. It made her suspect that Kitty was the third of them to have a crush on Josh. But that had to be impossible – Kitty was just a child. Witness the staggering mess she'd left in the kitchen.

"So," Peter said, smiling at her again, and she wondered if that scar on his chin ever pulled taut or hurt these days.

"So," she said, silently thanking Josh – it had to have been Josh because it just wouldn't have occurred to Kitty, who'd never heard the word _discretion_ – for having gathered all of Peter's notes and put them back into the hatbox, which sat primly on one of the bookshelves. "It's, um, early, and I don't have anything I have to do right now –"

"What do you want to do?"

"Watch Bake-Off," she admitted. She was only one episode into the season, but she'd rewatch the "Cakes" episode to get him up to speed and figure out the differences between madeira cake and pound cake.

"Well, turn it on, then, Covey. I'm not here to disrupt your whole life," Peter said, sprawling in the corner pocket seat and pulling her down so that she was pressed right up against him. Every atom of his body was disrupting every one of hers – especially the hand parked on her hip – but he looked totally sincere when he smiled down at her like he just wanted to be near her and had no idea how distracting he really was. 

_Breathe_ , Lara Jean told herself, but it was no good, because he still had golden specks in his eyes. Damn, she'd been a really observant kid.

*

It seemed weird to lie in the same bed, the same sheets, she'd had for ages before Peter was a reality. Lara Jean flushed hot when her phone chirped, even though she hadn't been having particularly dirty thoughts, just remembering how soft Peter's kisses were, how he went right in but then lingered over each moment.

The chirp was a text from Peter. It was SIX IN THE MORNING. Why was he already up when school hadn't even started yet? Was he actually going for a morning run like he'd said? 

Blinking against the brightness of her screen, Lara Jean read the text. _Don't know if I'll see you today to give you the paper version, so here's your note. You're cute when you watch people cooking and even cuter when you're eating._

She made a noise like a happy scream that made no sense even to herself and drew the blankets up over her head while she mashed her face into the pillow.

*

"Does this mean I'm off the hook for watching _Mary Berry and Her Merry Minions_ with you?" Josh asked when he came over for breakfast.

That was definitely a snort she heard, over by the coffeemaker, but Dad had the innocent face on lock and she wasn't caffeinated enough to catch him out. "I thought you liked that show!" she protested, turning back to Josh.

"I do, but it made me hungry _all_ the time."

"You _are_ hungry all the time. You pre-game _breakfast_."

"Growing boy," Josh said with a grin, and for whatever unholy male-bonding reason, Dad gave him the finger-guns for that. Boys were so weird.

"You might have a tapeworm. I'm serious," Lara Jean said, piling cranberry pancakes onto the platter.

"Was Peter an acceptable substitute?" Josh asked, reaching out for a clementine.

Lara Jean was well-versed in the art of making a thorough assessment look like a simple glance, and she employed it to make sure Josh really was okay hearing about Peter. "He said it was making him hungry too, but he also thought that it was weird how structural the bakes are. Like you need to be an architect and an engineer to bake stuff."

"That bread lion was insane," Josh said.

"Mm-hmm," she said, flipping the last pancake and going to the foot of the stairs to bellow for Kitty before realizing what he'd said. "Wait! You and I only watched 'Cakes' - 'Breads' was episode three!"

"So I caught up a little without you," Josh said.

"There's a _lion_?" she asked, and Josh nodded. "That show can still be our thing – Peter has a whole list of movies I apparently have to watch to prove I'm not secretly Amish."

"Deal," Josh said, then slid over in his socks to the stairs, grabbing her shoulders for balance. Her bunny slippers – because they were from Margot, who always remembered these things – had treads on the bottom so she stayed stable even with nearly six feet of best friend wrapped around her. "Kitty!"

There was a thundering sound – Kitty always could make enough noise for an army – and then there was one little sister in the kitchen beaming angelically at Josh and cuddling up to Dad. " _Cranberry_? I wanted blueberry!"

"Make whatever you like," Dad said, so Lara Jean didn't have to say it herself. Kitty was still reaching out a hand to pluck one berry free of its pancake, but Josh whisked the whole platter away to put it on the table and the four of them sat around to enjoy the last leisurely breakfast before school started back up.

*

Kitty took off running without a backward glance when she saw her friends clustered at the entrance, and over the sound of her car door slamming, Josh said, "Well, I feel used."

Lara Jean laughed and gestured at the mall, every display window of which was advertising amazing post-Christmas sales. "We can buy enough to fill the backseat of the car, so even if she does come to her senses and thank you for the ride and try to wheedle one home, there just won't be enough room for her to fit."

"I always forget how devious you are," Josh said. "Paper Rock and Scissors to choose the first store?" Like she believed for a hot minute that he was going to deny her the fabric/craft store when he'd parked outside it on purpose; she'd been very clear over the years about her deep need for silk flowers, fabric remainders that she could frame, and cushions that were like a giant's marshmallows.

"Mmm, next time. Come on, we're going here first." His hand on her shoulder kept her from turning to open the door.

"Maybe you should open my present before you spend all your Christmas money," he said, pulling a wrapped package out from the glove compartment.

"Josh –" she said, because she hadn't given him his yet, had very nearly thrown it out unfinished after the awful night when she'd yelled at Peter to go home and Josh was stunned by Margot's sudden reappearance and everything had seemed permanently out of whack.

"Go on, open it." He still hadn't figured out how to wrap presents properly, but inside the layers and layers of paper was a beautiful box containing a proper calligraphy set. "You've got big thoughts, and you should be able to make them look great." She stroked a finger along the box edge. "You know, next time you want to write a letter spilling your guts. I mean, mine was in this messy scrawl." He looked up at her and grinned. "The _envelope_ was pretty, though, so I thought maybe you actually had a crush on our mail carrier?"

"Shut up," she said. "I just need one more thing to finish your gift off." There were always picture frames in the discount bin, and that would be the finishing touch on the painting she'd made to look like it could be his first album cover.

"Oh then we're definitely going to your store first," he said, and she laughed.

*

 _Pick you up tomorrow?_ said Peter's text. _And Little LJ too, of course._

Lara Jean, still full from that weird half-sushi, half-lasagna thing Dad had made, was slow to answer. She read it, grinned, and then put the phone back down over her heart while she kicked her feet against her bed in glee.

 _See you in the morning!_ she wrote, adding in a heart emoji. Teal, just because.

 _Bonus love note?_ Peter wrote next.

Like she hadn't been spoiled enough by emotional boys; Josh had wrapped her up in possibly the Greatest Best Friend Hug of All Time when he finally saw his Hanukkah gift. But she was only human, and humans were allowed to be a little greedy from time to time. _Yes, please._

_I love you, Lara Jean. Knowing I've got you on my side makes everything better._

Whoa. That was heavy. His dad must have made the monumental effort to pick up the phone and call his kids, as if a quick chat the night before school started up again was enough to make up for walking out in the first place. Poor Peter.

 _By your side is where I want to be._ She wasn't going to say LOVE until she was sure, but she needed to say more than that. _Sleep tight. Can't wait to kiss you in the morning._

*

"He's nice, actually," Kitty said as they waited for Peter to roll up Jefferson Street. Lara Jean squinted against the harsh rays of what felt like maliciously bright January sun and nodded a little. It was too early to figure out if Kitty was, like, secretly trying to steer her away from Josh by any means necessary.

"Yo," Peter said, cruising slow and playing something faster and brighter than Lara Jean had a hope in hell of catching. He parked and hopped out. 'What'd I Miss,' right?"

Kitty laughed uproariously. "Jefferson's song! You're hilarious."

"Hilarious enough to score some smoothie?" Peter wheedled and Kitty pulled out of her bag a straight-from-the-freezer bottle. Lara Jean had no idea what was happening, but Peter, in one smooth move, scooped up the bottle and then pulled her close for a kiss.

This – surprisingly – she could do, and she melted into the wall of good-smelling boyfriend in front of her, kissing the soft lower lip that he offered.

"Hello? I will take the smoothie back if you make me miss _anything_ the first day after winter break," Kitty said, and Lara Jean could feel Peter laughing as he broke the kiss.

"Did I say 'feisty' before, because I don't think that covers it," Peter whispered against her cheek. He raised his voice to speak to Kitty, who was already making herself at home in his back seat. "Don't worry, short stuff, I factored in extra time to hang with my girl, so you'll be the first one there."

He looked so pleased with himself that Lara Jean gave Kitty as threatening a look as she could muster when she was still all dopey from his kiss; Peter was only a boy and had no idea that showing up first for anything was a faux pas only a select few could bounce back from. Lara Jean figured Kitty had that status on lock, though.

*

"I'm digging this back-pocket thing, I gotta admit," Peter said. "Even if your little jeans have pockets too small for my hands." 

His _hands_ , mmm, Lara Jean could wax rhapsodic for hours about those hands. She'd gotten obsessed enough that even looking at them wrapped around his lacrosse . . . stick? . . . made her consider their strength and flexibility and how great they'd felt on her bare skin. 

"Makes it hella easy to twirl you around, though," he said, demonstrating, and because she actually could dance (just not with him WATCHING her), she turned it into a kind of jazzy pirouette.

Peter wrapped her up in his arms before she got very far. "What am I going to do next time you wear one of your cute little skirts, though?" he asked before dipping his head down to kiss her.

Just the thought made her shiver hard enough that he felt it, judging by the way he smiled and kept right on kissing her.

"Didn't your aptitude test say you were a problem solver?" she asked, and when her voice had gone all Marilyn Monroe breathy was a total mystery. "Show your work."

"I'll show you my work," he muttered and hitched her up so that her legs wrapped around his waist and she had to bend a little to kiss him back. It was a whole different experience this way, the way Peter tipped his head up and, like, YEARNED for her. He was blowing all of her paperbacks out of the water, and the bell hadn't even rung yet for first period.

It did then, of course, and she had to hustle to make it to Trig, grabbing her seat just before Ms. Johnson shut the door. The crinkle she heard when she sat down was probably not as loud as it seemed to her; no one else looked over. Somehow, that sneaky boy had managed to slip a note into her pocket, and she stealthily drew it out and spread it open over the glossy pages of her textbook. _It's ridiculously easy to write these notes to you. Writer's block isn't a real thing, I don't believe in it. Guess none of those guys had a girlfriend like you._

*

"Coach said practice starts up again tomorrow after school," Peter said, "so I can't take you home until after that."

"Don't worry about it. Josh'll give us a ride," she said, smiling up at him. She wasn't going to live her life based on what every paperback romance had taught her about competition between men and it wasn't a test.

Peter didn't even look fazed – he passed tests he didn't even know he was taking. "Cool. The three of us should hang sometime."

"We do breakfasts on Sundays that you can come to."

"I get a home-cooked Lara Jean meal? Sold. I'm there."

"And I can give you your Christmas present," she said.

"I picked out what I wanted to get you but I didn't buy it yet," Peter said.

"Well, chop-chop," Kitty said, joining the conversation as she came running up, waving at the crowd of friends who were shouting requests for Kitty to call them later. "Let's get this show on the road, Mr. Chauffeur."

"I live to serve," Peter said, and bowed.

*

"I honestly don't understand how they do it. Like, there's no drama, and everyone's so nice to each other, but there's still this terrible suspense. And I've even seen this episode before!" Josh burst out while they were watching the bakers in the tent trying to guess what arlettes were. Lara Jean had her face in her hands and was only peeking every once in a while. "You have to watch!" Josh said, laughing and poking her until she dropped her hands to defend herself. "I'm hooked on this show because of you!"

"I never said I wasn't an enabler." She burrowed further into the couch and drew her sleeves up over her hands. "Which biscotti did you like best? Maybe I can try to make them for Sunday." She darted a glance over at him. "Peter's coming to breakfast too."

Josh grinned at her. "But I get to cast the deciding vote?"

"And help me get rid of them if they turn out awful," she said cheerily.

"My stomach is at your disposal."

"Your stomach is my garbage disposal."

"Nice. Let's go with the cinnamon, maple, cranberry ones. And maybe make double of everything. I bet that guy can put it away."

"Unlike you, Mr. Two Hollow Legs."

"It's a blessing and a curse." He had his old smile back, the one that used to flip her heart over. Now she just thought how happy it made her to see it after all the Margot drama. "Maybe a triple batch, then."

"Um, they might be terrible," she pointed out.

"I _believe in you_ , Lara Jean," he said, so mock-earnest that she had to laugh.

*

"Peter, my friend, you are setting a dangerous precedent," Dad said when he realized who was behind that huge bouquet of flowers. "The girls keep me in all the fresh flowers I need."

Peter, still on the step, and Josh, already at the table, laughed at the same time. " _Pour vous_ , Dr. C," Peter said, proffering the bouquet. "And for you, Lara Jean, um, here. A different bouquet." He held out a small white box, unwrapped but with a tiny teal bow on it.

There was a delicate bracelet inside, each golden link shaped like a flower. It was _gorgeous_ and exactly what she would have bought for herself if she'd had money left over after all the shopping she'd done for her family. "Oh, it's beautiful," she whispered. It looked like her wall, the wall she and Mom had planned out while Mom was in the hospital and still listened to her practice reading out loud; there had been fairy tales and legends and Mom had listened to her stumble through all of them, smiling as the hours slipped by. "Help me?" she asked, extending her wrist and the box toward Peter.

"Or you could let him in," Dad said, turning and heading for the sink to trim flower stems.

"Come to the dark side, Peter. We have cookies," Josh intoned, holding up the basket of biscotti that had actually turned out awesome and entirely too addictive.

"Don't you hog those," Peter said, stepping inside and toeing off his sneakers impatiently.

"Wait!" she said. "This is my present for you." Stashing the small gift box in the pocket of her apron, she crouched down to retrieve a wrapped box from the little hallway hutch and held it out to Peter. She blocked his path so he had to unwrap and open it before sitting at the table.

"You're lucky you're so cute," he said, then tore into it. "What? These are awesome!" He dropped the Wookie slippers on the ground and jammed his feet into them.

"I thought you could keep them here so you have something to wear when you take your shoes off," she said, but he was barely paying attention, shuffling around and making weird noises that sounded like _bzzzzwinggggg_. She turned to Josh for support but he was up and making the noises too.

"You _have_ at least seen the original trilogy, right?" Peter asked. "Was Chewie your favorite?"

Josh had said Peter would be into the slippers – he apparently remembered sitting with him at lunch in, like, third grade and envying Peter's Han Solo lunchbox – and warned her to have a story of her own fervent fandom ready.

"Totally!" she chirped, hoping she sounded credible. "Loved the Ewoks!"

Peter gave her a look and Josh gave her another while Dad just cut flowers and laughed at her. She used Ms. Johnson's trick of speaking quietly, so they all had to lean in to hear her, tacitly ceding power back to her. "Really? You're going to mock me in my own kitchen? It's like you don't even want to be fed." She raised a warning finger. "And don't say Joan loves you because I happen to know that the Corner Café is closed until next week."

"Damn, Dr. C., they're _all_ feisty," Peter said after a long moment. Josh nodded to acknowledge the truth of that and Dad just put his arms around both the boys and steered them to the table.

"I know," Dad said, beaming proudly, and helped her get all the food on the table, enough to feed an army – or at least, one father, one kid sister, one best friend, one boyfriend, and one cook who bellowed for Kitty and let Dad clasp the bracelet around her wrist – before dishing it all out.


End file.
